Posted in Uncategorized

A return punch after ten years

return punch

This blow has come out of left field.  Not a complete KO, but it has definitely shaken up the ground below.  I find myself in an unusual territory.  Logic is refusing to stay put in my head.  I keep pleading it to stay put, but unknown to me it keeps escaping leaving a stuffed dummy in its place.

Well, I know I am genetic mess.  But, the realization that I could have passed on this mess to my kids seems very hard to swallow.  No one is blaming me, especially my kids.  But I wish they would just scream at me.  Show me that they are angry for what I am going to put them through.  But they joke and carry on like nothing.

It is probably going to be nothing.  And I am worrying over nothing.  Why am I being such a pessimistic heap of mess?  I know the logic, let’s do the test and then worry if we have something to worry about.  That would be the advice I would be giving someone else in that situation.  I am no stranger to waiting for test results.  It has never worried me, but this time I am a mess.  I have to be strong for the boys.  I will be.  Just give me today to rant and rave.

I was supposed to be a miracle for my parents.  When I survived the horrible cancer, once again it was considered a miracle.  Yes, I could either be called “special”, “unique” or another apt word “weird”.  I am a genetic error.  This is not me blurting out in anger. That is the scientific word used in my report, I have a genetic error.

All I ask for is to leave my kids alone.  I will go through anything, I am happy to say “Que sera sera” and deal with absolutely anything, I will endure anything, just leave my kids out of it.

To the man up there, just in case he doesn’t get it.  A mother goes through nine months of pregnancy and then hours of horrid labour, she endures it all, so that her child will be born unharmed.  From day one her model was built to protect that child.  She was programmed to fight for her child no matter the size or might of the opponent.   She has no turn off button.

So a word to the man up there, you are lower than a tadpole when you do this to a mother.  Ask any mother, they will happily take the plague or worse, if that would save her child.

Final words to the man up there, “leave my kids alone” – PLEASE.

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Posted in True Story, Inspirational

Thirty Two Years of Bliss or BS?

onion saree

Thirty two years ago I put my neck out for the Thali(Traditional Necklace given by the Bridgroom similar meaning as wedding ring)  and extended my hand,  for a ring and I guess that was taken as agreeing with the consensus that we get married.

So we got married thirty two years ago today.  We were two giddy youngsters who didn’t really know what we were getting into.

It’s been a heck of ride alright.  Regrets? yes plenty.  I regret that I didn’t start my taming sooner.  I am finding that it is indeed, hard to train old dogs.

Bliss or BS?  Well, I would be lying if I said it was all a bliss.  But, what would a mother of a two year child say, a two year old with massive tantrums, he is adorable but the tantrums?!!, mm yes her life is not a bliss but she does love her child and her life.  Yes, I do feel like that mother at times.

Some times I wonder if I have rocks in my head.  But then again I realise that sometimes those rocks appear to be diamonds.  But there are those times when they are just the one’s you buy from Bunnings (hardware store) in bulk for your garden.

I don’t think life is never a complete bliss nor a complete disaster.  It is what we make of it.  In my opinion life is always a working progress.  We have our set backs.  But then again those set backs teach us what to avoid the next time and how to progress.

This man next to me has let me learn and experience these things, been supportive of what ever I wanted to do or not do.  When I want to take up work or studies he has been there with the flag and when I want to quit,  again he has been there for that too.   Always stood by me in what ever decision I took.

If this man could support me with life changing decisions, I wonder why he can’t be supportive if I want to change the curtains or the paint the wall?  Why won’t he then take down the Christmas lights when I ask him to? Ok those are big ticket items I agree, how about just take those darn tissues to the bin.  I don’t think those used tissues got wings nor does the breadcrumbs and I am not planning on recycling either of them.  Use the dishwasher, don’t eat salami if you are planning on losing weight – wait, it’s me planning on him losing weight, not him, I get it now @@###.  Just listening would be a start, big old ears, just for decoration. @@## It’s no bliss listening to his BS day after day.

But…

In the scheme of things I come to realise that these are merely misdemeanors that could be easily pardoned with warnings and sometimes threats.  Ahhh!! that’s how he gets away with it every time.

Anyhow, I have come to realise after all this time, that I am a gluten for punishment.  So I think I might be hanging around with this man for the rest of my lifetime.

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Sun Hiding behind the clouds – Henley Beach South Australia

There has been many sunsets and sunrises in the last thirty two years.  It has been a wild ride Mr Ganesan.  Just like I did thirty two years ago, I am hanging on to my dear life on that pillion seat and never letting it go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in True Story, Inspirational

It has been so long…

been so long

It sure feels that way regarding my presence in the blogging world. Not sure if any of my regular readers would have missed me. And amongst those whom I read and comment, have they been waiting for my feedback?

In the scheme of things we are really an insignificant being. Yet, I refuse to be bound by that thought. I am sure each one of us can be or could be that significant spindle that makes this world go around.


Here’s to a bright 2019.


Why the long silence you ask? well you didn’t ask. Still I feel that I owe it to myself to analyse, come up with excuses as to why I failed to write for so long. If I had failed to write, then that means I had not pondered and mused. I had not stopped my racing brain to stop and take a break. I did not give it an excuse to escape. I have ached to write but I had failed to make the next step.


It’s like tradition, I like to come screeching down, each end of year. But at least no deaths this year. At one stage I thought I was the one gunning for that place, but I have given the man upstairs clear signs to say ‘no thanks’ for the moment. Hopefully he gets the message this time and stops bothering me in the near future.

But even if the man upstairs stops bothering me the doctors haven’t let go of their prime money tree. “Que Sera Sera”

If anyone’s reading, I am okay, minor repairs and maintenance in progress, that’s all.


If that wasn’t exciting enough I decided to increase my work load. This job opportunity did come at an interesting time. My mind was at cross roads. I did not want to pass on such a great opportunity, but timing couldn’t have been any worse. Wasn’t exactly sure if I should add more stress to the already burning pyre. But the offer kept coming back at me with many alternatives and options. My desire to take up a new challenge overtook the hurdles that was staring at me. Final words from Hubby sealed the deal. I know he was reluctant as he feared the same thing, does she need the stress, could she manage the workload with her slightly compromised health. However, he could feel my anguish. With his support and maybe my bullheadedness there is nothing much I can’t do. So I gave my nod.

I had swapped my corporate career for family long time ago, initially because my youngest son decided to be a frequent flyer to the hospital and then his elder brother not wanting to lose the spotlight, lost his hearing and something had to give and it was my career that took the fall. No regrets on my part. I got to see my kids become healthy and happy. I saw them take their first swim, hold the tennis racket and kick the first goal. Along with that I also ran to the hospital many times not because they were sick but more because apparently they were being boys which meant many broken bones and stitches. My part- time flexible career allowed me to attend all the award ceremonies, school dramas and concerts. So, no it was not a sacrifice it was a privilege.

One who couldn’t walk 10 steps without needing the puffer is now a boxer. The other one’s hearing is not 100% but that has not stopped him from achieving what ever he wants. The one couldn’t walk without the puffer could always talk and now he is talking on the radio. On contrary, eldest was not much of a talker but he could always walk the walk and now, involved in building the new driver-less train line in Sydney. Sorry, proud Asian mummy moment slipped out.


The new job was really grueling at the beginning. Work was challenging, sometimes I felt I was out of my depth. It was a good test for my self confidence. The long hours and medications and it’s effects were dueling each other. End of each day I was exhausted. Close family were worried and I would say some are still questioning my decision. But that bullheadedness again, I am not one to throw in the towel so easily.

I am not exactly a religious person. But I guess there is one reason why I put myself on the fence of borderline agnostic rather than an Atheist. Sometimes, some things which are mere coincidences – just mere coincidences, but how does the timing become so apt it is hard to accept it as a mere coincidence.

At first I thought this job came to me at a bad time. Now I think differently. It has been an excellent distraction. I am happy to say that I am in control of my job as well as my health. I haven’t concurred either of them completely. It is a working progress.


Each one of us, is only promised today, tomorrow is a blessing. Let each day count. Even if you want to occupy that couch the entire day watching Netflix, do so because you want to. If you want to make money go ahead, if you want to spend that money, again, do so. It your life, it’s your choice. But just remember choices have consequences.


I like to finish up today with what I started. Yes, we may be an insignificant iota in this universe. But you never know how significant your actions or your words could be to another.

Believing, however small, however insignificant, that each one of us could make a difference, is what starts the process. One’s presence always matters.

Posted in True Story, Inspirational

Moving to Adelaide (Part 1)

Reality-TVReality TV has taken over. The remote control has been taken over  by the other half.  He wants to watch the news on ABC, but the goldfish DNA in him keeps pressing the remote control.  So we end up seeing reality TV salad.

I saw a real estate agent (possibly) he was on the phone, looked like he was negotiating the house price, then it moved on to some sexy looking people, then I think someone was cooking and back to the news, some country was getting blown off. The same cycle happens every 2 minutes.

I thought it was time to retreat behind my keyboard.  I want to write.  Reason 1 – it is part of my monthly challenge to write for a minimum of half hour everyday.  Reason 2 – I do enjoy it once I start. It’s like going to the gym or for a walk/run.  Getting started is a chore but once you get going you start to enjoy it.

I haven’t adhered to my challenge everyday but have come pretty close to it so far.  I did attempt yesterday.  However, didn’t eventuate as I was too tired to come up with a topic and WordPress was no help as there are no prompts since the beginning of the month.


career change

I have been asked this question many a times in Adelaide as well as in Sydney, “Why did you’ll move to Adelaide?”

My one line answers have been, “hubby’s work, a genuine sea change” “Yes I miss my friends and the shopping but I don’t miss the traffic”

However today and maybe days to come (depends how long I am going to ponder on this subject) I would like to delve a bit deeper on the reasons, the pros and cons and whatever else that was involved.

Maybe it would help someone when deciding a sea change or work change or some kind of life style change.


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The Ganesan’s lived in Sydney since 1990 and their family grew one by one from 1993.  By 1996, we had 5 family members residing in our little house.  This was my hubby, my two boys and my mum.  A young family with a mortgage meant that both of us had to work full time.  With mum’s help and child care, we survived our hectic lives.

Our house was in North west of Sydney and my hubby’s work was in the South. Which meant he had a pretty long commute to work.  More than the distance the traffic was what made the journey more tedious. I worked in the city until the latter years.  It was a hike for the city as well.  It didn’t matter even if you lived close by, the Sydney traffic will still make you commute for hours even if you were travelling within the suburb.

Hubby was unhappy with the industry he was working in. His wages weren’t bad. That was the only plus side.  My youngest fell ill (we nearly lost him at the age of 2) and it was tough times mentally, physically and financially too.  About the same time my eldest lost his hearing and we were shunting between hospitals with two kids and their respective surgeries.

Eventually I had to give up my career and start working closer to home with less hours and less stress.  I took over the primary roll for the hospital runs and hospital stays while hubby kept slogging away at his job, even though he hated each minute of it. I could see that stress was gradually killing him.  Neither of us had a choice.  We both had to keep going.

Those dreary days would have been near impossible if not for some family and friends.  I will revisit this subject later.

Hubby’s company had a subcontractor in Adelaide.  The owners of this company approached hubby a few times to join them.  The wages were no where near what he was earning in Sydney.  Money is not everything, but when your kid is unwell and you have choice to pay for his surgery rather than wait six months to get it done from the public hospital, would you say money is not everything?

It was year 2004 and Arj my youngest was nearly 8 years old.  He was over the worst and our visits to the respiratory specialist had diminished to just once a year.  Same with Hari, he still had a hearing impairment, but things were in place for us to manage it.

The Adelaide company made the offer again with a possibility of a partnership in the future.  Initial wages were still low. At this point I got interested.  I thought we were alright now, we could manage with the low wages.  The mortgage was in a manageable position as well.

It was not just about money.   I was almost a neurotic mum with the way the two boys fell ill.  The two specialists who looked after the boys were the best in the country.  They were just amazing and they knew the two cases so well.  The boys had to see the doctors regularly and this made me less neurotic knowing that things are under control.  So to leave the doctors and go else where was the biggest hurdle.

So, in November 2004 when the offer came again, I re-evaluated our situation.  We were really alright I thought.  The only one who was not alright was my hubby.  I was really worried about his health.  I am still, but that’s another story for another day.  And that point I was able to confidently say “Money is not everything”.


My eyes are weary, so I will continue tomorrow.  I will leave you with one thought though.  Money is not everything.  But it is definitely something.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/

Posted in True Story, Inspirational

When life gets busy…

Kids are all grown up, the once young couple is now heading towards the mature years.  It has always been the simple things in life that gets me glowing.  But more so now than before.  With age and life experiences comes the better appreciation for such things.

I had the most simplest of day-out’s with hubby today.  But it has made my heart feel mellow and has definitely put me in a good mood.  Nothing special at all about the days beginning.  It started with our WIFI not working and needing a call to the telco company.  Followed with ‘man of the house’s’ unwillingness to help and his wife speaking her mind. When she speaks her mind, she really speaks her mind.  She doesn’t use swear words, but there may have been elements of black mail.  “Ah! you cook your own dinner tonight…”  for a man who stuffs up two minute noodles this is really the ultimate threat.

Well apparently he wanted to have a cup of coffee first.  Once that was sorted, he wanted to bail out by going to work with the ready excuse “have reports to write”.  I reminded him of the shirts that I bought, that needed to be exchanged as they were too small for him. I am going to be unavailable for sometime starting next Saturday.  Thirty one years  of married bliss has made the poor man incapable of choosing shirts for himself so he caved in to go shopping with me.  I mean to just that one shop and then he had the rest of the day to attend to his reports.

The Jeep is his pride and joy.  It’s no Maserati. but it sure gets treated as one.  He likes to put on this air as a tough and ‘don’t care’ macho man.  But that’s just the surface.  At times he could sound rather callous too.  But when you peek inside you see a sentimental mush.  He is an automobiles enthusiast.  None of them due to their status or luxury.  Him and the boys regularly make way to car shows (well not so regularly but when ever their free time and car shows align together).

However  the Jeep holds a special place in his heart, especially the wrangler type ones.  He learnt to drive on a Jeep with his dad.  Although the lesson only lasted the one time as the day ended up with disagreements as usual, it still holds a special place in his heart. More so than he likes to let it out.  So this Jeep takes the special place in the garage while our regular cars are left to fend for themselves on the driveway, the curb or at times even the grass/lawn.

It was a nice sunny day but temperature was low enough to enjoy the day.  Once again we started off with a regular squabble, “where did you keep the keys? you were the last one to drive” as usual the scapegoat was going to be me.

Yes, I was the last to take it out. As on that auspicious day I had lent my car to his work mate whose car was at the mechanic.  So reluctantly he gave me the Jeep.  But, but, but … I quickly remembered that I did not park it in the garage.  So he was the last to drive. Got him on technicality.

Squabbles don’t last long (most times).  We both laughed at each other, I was happy to prove that I was not in the wrong (as usual) and he sheepishly was trying to butter me up.

We may be past our prime but in our hearts we are the same when we first met.  I am not talking about anything hot and heavy, but something as simple as holding hands still makes me feel eighteen again (well in my case nineteen, that’s when I met him).

The mirror –

Shows the grays and the wrinkles.

Shows the muffin tops that’s refusing to hide 

and that one hair that peeks out of my chin

But oh mirror!

Those grays and wrinkles are of two lives who have lived.  Of lives that at times had almost drowned to the bottom of the sea bed.  Each one of us has taken turns to resuscitate the other and together we have surfaced up to the top by just strongly holding on to each other.

But oh mirror!

You do not know the struggles I’ve been through to get those muffin tops.  Even the big tummy on my hubby, it took many years and many beers to get there.  Just like Rome wasn’t built in a day.  It is a sign that our lives were not just misery and doom, we made time for fun and laughter too.

And mirror!

Who gives a dime (You could replace it with a ruder a word if you wish) about a hair that peeks out of my chin.  Because the most important person, that is my husband, with his diminished eye sight can’t see it anyway.  So if my man doesn’t care who gives a dime anyway.

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So the young couple in spite of what the mirror was telling headed happily to the shops.  Friendly banter followed at the shops, the mood was so good and they decided to have a coffee.

We found this gorgeous cafe in the beach side suburb of Glenleg.  Struggling with reflux I am not allowed to eat or drink anything on that menu.  Decided to be a half a rebel and had a short black which later followed with ‘milanta’ (antacid).  Made a date with hubby for next mothers day.  So he is going to take me there for breakfast on Mothers day, May 2019.  Hopefully by then I would have sorted out my reflux issues.  We laughed about making a date for a year later with the waiter.

When two people are happy they infect it to those they come in contact with.  So the moth and the butterfly went on spreading the pollen along the way.  It was just a drive and coffee but feels like so much more. Life has been so busy lately and when you have no time and even the little time you get together becomes so precious.

I don’t want the moon, I just want to watch the moon with you.

And Oh Mirror! if you have ears and you hear us squabble.  Don’t be afraid.  Squabbling is our way of communicating.  It is our way to show that we are both equal.  It is our way to show that we don’t conform out of fear or lack of freedom.  You will notice neither of us are afraid to admit wrong or defeat.  We both know the value of love, life and loss. So we don’t hold a grudge and waste our time together.  I know I married a mule.  And I know mules can be stubborn.  But, I also know, when you work the mule favorably, it’s a great animal to carry your burdens.

Here’s to more squabbles(maybe little less of them), wrinkles and gray hairs.  Here’s to more simple things in life and growing old together.

TMP15

I don’t want the moon, I just want to grow old together watching the moon with you.