Posted in Uncategorized

A return punch after ten years

return punch

This blow has come out of left field.  Not a complete KO, but it has definitely shaken up the ground below.  I find myself in an unusual territory.  Logic is refusing to stay put in my head.  I keep pleading it to stay put, but unknown to me it keeps escaping leaving a stuffed dummy in its place.

Well, I know I am genetic mess.  But, the realization that I could have passed on this mess to my kids seems very hard to swallow.  No one is blaming me, especially my kids.  But I wish they would just scream at me.  Show me that they are angry for what I am going to put them through.  But they joke and carry on like nothing.

It is probably going to be nothing.  And I am worrying over nothing.  Why am I being such a pessimistic heap of mess?  I know the logic, let’s do the test and then worry if we have something to worry about.  That would be the advice I would be giving someone else in that situation.  I am no stranger to waiting for test results.  It has never worried me, but this time I am a mess.  I have to be strong for the boys.  I will be.  Just give me today to rant and rave.

I was supposed to be a miracle for my parents.  When I survived the horrible cancer, once again it was considered a miracle.  Yes, I could either be called “special”, “unique” or another apt word “weird”.  I am a genetic error.  This is not me blurting out in anger. That is the scientific word used in my report, I have a genetic error.

All I ask for is to leave my kids alone.  I will go through anything, I am happy to say “Que sera sera” and deal with absolutely anything, I will endure anything, just leave my kids out of it.

To the man up there, just in case he doesn’t get it.  A mother goes through nine months of pregnancy and then hours of horrid labour, she endures it all, so that her child will be born unharmed.  From day one her model was built to protect that child.  She was programmed to fight for her child no matter the size or might of the opponent.   She has no turn off button.

So a word to the man up there, you are lower than a tadpole when you do this to a mother.  Ask any mother, they will happily take the plague or worse, if that would save her child.

Final words to the man up there, “leave my kids alone” – PLEASE.

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Posted in True Story, Inspirational

It has been so long…

been so long

It sure feels that way regarding my presence in the blogging world. Not sure if any of my regular readers would have missed me. And amongst those whom I read and comment, have they been waiting for my feedback?

In the scheme of things we are really an insignificant being. Yet, I refuse to be bound by that thought. I am sure each one of us can be or could be that significant spindle that makes this world go around.


Here’s to a bright 2019.


Why the long silence you ask? well you didn’t ask. Still I feel that I owe it to myself to analyse, come up with excuses as to why I failed to write for so long. If I had failed to write, then that means I had not pondered and mused. I had not stopped my racing brain to stop and take a break. I did not give it an excuse to escape. I have ached to write but I had failed to make the next step.


It’s like tradition, I like to come screeching down, each end of year. But at least no deaths this year. At one stage I thought I was the one gunning for that place, but I have given the man upstairs clear signs to say ‘no thanks’ for the moment. Hopefully he gets the message this time and stops bothering me in the near future.

But even if the man upstairs stops bothering me the doctors haven’t let go of their prime money tree. “Que Sera Sera”

If anyone’s reading, I am okay, minor repairs and maintenance in progress, that’s all.


If that wasn’t exciting enough I decided to increase my work load. This job opportunity did come at an interesting time. My mind was at cross roads. I did not want to pass on such a great opportunity, but timing couldn’t have been any worse. Wasn’t exactly sure if I should add more stress to the already burning pyre. But the offer kept coming back at me with many alternatives and options. My desire to take up a new challenge overtook the hurdles that was staring at me. Final words from Hubby sealed the deal. I know he was reluctant as he feared the same thing, does she need the stress, could she manage the workload with her slightly compromised health. However, he could feel my anguish. With his support and maybe my bullheadedness there is nothing much I can’t do. So I gave my nod.

I had swapped my corporate career for family long time ago, initially because my youngest son decided to be a frequent flyer to the hospital and then his elder brother not wanting to lose the spotlight, lost his hearing and something had to give and it was my career that took the fall. No regrets on my part. I got to see my kids become healthy and happy. I saw them take their first swim, hold the tennis racket and kick the first goal. Along with that I also ran to the hospital many times not because they were sick but more because apparently they were being boys which meant many broken bones and stitches. My part- time flexible career allowed me to attend all the award ceremonies, school dramas and concerts. So, no it was not a sacrifice it was a privilege.

One who couldn’t walk 10 steps without needing the puffer is now a boxer. The other one’s hearing is not 100% but that has not stopped him from achieving what ever he wants. The one couldn’t walk without the puffer could always talk and now he is talking on the radio. On contrary, eldest was not much of a talker but he could always walk the walk and now, involved in building the new driver-less train line in Sydney. Sorry, proud Asian mummy moment slipped out.


The new job was really grueling at the beginning. Work was challenging, sometimes I felt I was out of my depth. It was a good test for my self confidence. The long hours and medications and it’s effects were dueling each other. End of each day I was exhausted. Close family were worried and I would say some are still questioning my decision. But that bullheadedness again, I am not one to throw in the towel so easily.

I am not exactly a religious person. But I guess there is one reason why I put myself on the fence of borderline agnostic rather than an Atheist. Sometimes, some things which are mere coincidences – just mere coincidences, but how does the timing become so apt it is hard to accept it as a mere coincidence.

At first I thought this job came to me at a bad time. Now I think differently. It has been an excellent distraction. I am happy to say that I am in control of my job as well as my health. I haven’t concurred either of them completely. It is a working progress.


Each one of us, is only promised today, tomorrow is a blessing. Let each day count. Even if you want to occupy that couch the entire day watching Netflix, do so because you want to. If you want to make money go ahead, if you want to spend that money, again, do so. It your life, it’s your choice. But just remember choices have consequences.


I like to finish up today with what I started. Yes, we may be an insignificant iota in this universe. But you never know how significant your actions or your words could be to another.

Believing, however small, however insignificant, that each one of us could make a difference, is what starts the process. One’s presence always matters.